Day 54:57 A letter to all the extroverts

This was supposed to be posted on Day 54, but unfortunately quite like a typical college student I got shit faced friday night, while working on this post and the hangover the next day was enough to leave me with just enough time to finish my duties for the weekend. So, here it is, the post 3 days overdue.

 

Today marks my second day of successfully exercising, my workout session lasted a bit longer than I expected so this post is coming in the evening, rather than its usual early morning time. Being the noob that I am, I spent a significant amount of time, staring at the machines and trying to figure out ho two safely use them, and like most weight lifting machines these didn’t have a slot for me to put my phone, so I spent another 5 minutes trying to figure out how to “subtly” stuff my iPhone 6+ in my bra. Turns out the best way to do that is to pop it in the middle portion of the bra and hope it stays there.

Work was again very slow, we are in preparation for analysis next week, and since we’ve done most of our work already all we can do is wait until its our turn to use the fancy machines that will tell us exactly what we need to know, with very little effort. While I’m certainly not looking forward to analyzing 40+ graphs next week, I appreciate being busy and hence am looking forward to the coming week. I will also finally get transitioned as Social Director for Chem Club next year and can start working on throwing the largest party for the chemical engineers next year!

My house is spotless, and I’ve started learning Arabic, as a step towards my 4 online courses goal. The “course” is on an app, so it includes basic vocabulary and phrases, and once I finish all the “levels” I will decide what next step to take towards learning the language better. I decided to learn Arabic, since its a language that I grew up with but somehow never really grasped. I also know the basics of the language, and starting from that is easier than starting from nothing. I’m stepping into this course with the expectation of continuing my high school and elementary school education. With some perseverance I think this attempt can be fairly successful.

Moving on, while I love rambling (haha) about my life and attempts at achieving my goals, today I want to talk about something that I found two of my closest friends struggling with a few hours ago; the struggle of being an introvert who likes company. Most of us introverts shy away from parties, in fact the last time I went to a legitimate party I spent most of my time hidden in a room where nobody could find me, with my skirt hitched high being the exact opposite of a lady, and after a couple of hours hidden in a corner calling my mom, and asking her to pick me up ASAP. But after the initial relief I couldn’t help but feel like I missed out on something, especially once I spoke to all the people who had been at the party the next day. So, how do you deal with this constant struggle? Are we introverts more susceptible to the hype, or am I just a teenager? I don’t think I can answer the second question, but here’s how I dealt with it.

Whenever I would ask my mum whether I should do a certain activity, or go to certain event, she would suggest what I should do, and then when I would say something usually along the lines of, “but everyone else is doing that”, or “that other thing sounds like more fun”, her usual response (loosely translated) would be “Sure, if you would like to do that then go ahead, but child understand yourself”. And throughout high school and perhaps even till a couple of months ago, I wasn’t able to fully understand myself and my needs. I have been consistently trying to fit the mould, trying to emulate what the movies tell me about university, about friends and parties. But somewhere in the last few months I stopped trying, I gave up trying to fit in, because I realized I probably never could. And thats when the magic happened, I suddenly fit in. When I decided that I didn’t care for any of these things anymore, and even if I was ostracized, my work would be enough to keep me happy, I became more eccentric, I became more confident, I became more outspoken. I became myself, and in doing this I suddenly fit in. Perhaps this reflects more on the culture of acceptance at Skule than me, but isn’t that what the wisdom of the ages tells us? Be yourself, regardless of what happens. And even if I had been ostracized by the general community I’m sure this would’ve lead to me finding a few friends who I truly connected with.

By fitting in I found myself invited to these events that mostly extroverts take part in; parties, bbqs, picnics, etc. And I found myself mostly declining these invitations, but whenever I did end up going I also found myself thoroughly enjoying these events, and also enjoying being myself when I got the time. My time alone was now much more valuable since there was less of it, so I found myself doing things that really mattered to me, instead of wasting my time watching Netflix. So, heres something for all the extroverts out there.

“Just because I don’t greet you enthusiastically every time we meet, just because I don’t smile too much, or know the right questions to ask, just because I’m awkward, or just because I don’t talk about my life doesn’t mean I don’t like you. I’m sorry I come across as stand-offish (I promise I’m working on it), I’m sorry I come across as bitchy (I swear, I’m trying). I take several days, perhaps weeks to warm up to someone, but I assure you I’m trying, I believe that every person is pretty awesome, so if you just talk to me a few times, I’ll start opening up. And then you can decide if you like me or not. Your first encounter with me will most likely be awkward, and I might come across as rude or obtuse, but just this once don’t let your first impression of anyone guide you. I’ve been known to prove most peoples first opinions wrong. Moreover, I’m just like you. I want to hang out with friends, I want a good time, but I’ll just get tired a bit early. So, give me a chance. I apparently sound like Dory speaking whale when I’m drink, so I assure you it’ll be fun.”

And to my fellow introvert and slightly anxious friends out there, stop giving a fuck. You’re awesome just the way you are, don’t let anyone but your own goals towards improvement guide you to be the person you want to be.

 

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