Day 48 – Who am I?

This was supposed to be posted 2 days ago, but somehow it wasn’t.

Apparently an idle mind is the devils workshop. However, for me an idle mind is the perfect set up for an identity crisis! While the last couple of weeks have brought their fair share of disappointments and goals achieved, something that wouldn’t go away is a feeling of anxiety, anxiety over my path in life and an anxiety over what the future held for me. While, I’m mature enough to realize any path that I chose for myself today will not be the same path I would be interested in treading in a year, or perhaps even a few month, what worried me was that I didn’t even have a general idea of what I was working towards.

I understand that this sort of crisis is something that a lot of, if not most people face on a semi-regular basis. And perhaps most people start ignoring this feeling at some point, but the last thing I wanted to do was settle down for mediocrity, and unproductive-ness. I proceeded to draw up some chart paper and write out my goals, my goals of the kind of person I wanted to be. Apparently “spawn” is the kind of person I want to be. Turns out the someday in the future I would like my own solo army of a child and raise them to be strong, independent, creative, inspiring, clever and kind. So, basically all the goals I mapped out for myself.

This was followed by a thorough plan for the week in my trusty passion planner. I even colour coded it! I managed to get all the tasks on my to-do list done and even though a bit late, seems like I managed to get back into blogging as well. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. Even after doing all of this, the sinking feeling that I was wasting my life stuck, somehow I felt that I was wasting my life trying to achieve goals that didn’t mean much to me, rather than fulfilling my passions. After a nice long walk and a drink with a friend I felt much better. I spent the next day painting, something that I haven’t done in over 2 years. I don’t consider myself good, but I think I’m okay enough to get my vision on paper. This exercise filled me with peace, and also happiness, as the painting turned out better than I expected it to! I realized that I could probably do anything if I set my mind to it, even though it might take someone else a shorter time to get there, I could eventually get there on my own. And that is all that mattered, so lets stop comparing ourselves to others, and set our OWN goals, our OWN dreams and achieve them at our OWN pace. Let’s OWN our life, rather than letting the world decide our path.




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